Happy Two Year Anniversary!

On Monday July 25^th, Susan and I celebrated another wonderful anniversary. This year wasn’t a glamorous trip or getaway. It was a simple and great day for our little family.  I’m happy to share a few of the details. I started my day at 6:15am, sitting in front of my garage, sipping coffee, and waiting on my in-laws to show up with the miter saw they rented from Home Depot. After their arrival, Susan, her parents, and I spent the next several hours installing baseboards, touching up paint, and preparing for baby.

At 12:15 I had run out of time with only a few boards to go. I went off to work, Susan went off to visit all of her friend’s newborns, the Rands went to feed old people, and the house rested. When Susan and I made it back home the Rands were already back to work. I helped for a moment or two but then I had to leave. Susan and I had a very important appointment. The base boards were just about done anyway, thanks Randy and Ginny.

At 5:30 Susan and enjoyed another ultrasound of our little girl. She is big! Well big in comparison to the little poppy seed we saw so many months ago. We watched Baby Seven Snodgrass Jr. the IV open and close her hand in front of her face. Then she tried to eat it. I was so excited watching I practically climbed into the monitor.  We later stopped by Susan’s parents to show them the DVD, again I nearly climbed into the TV.

At 7:00 my bride and I sat down for a nice dinner at Sol overlooking Newport harbor. We talked about the baby, our life together, how nice it would be to have a bottle of wine, and then headed back to our unfinished home. Regardless of the work in need all around us, Susan and I still found time for romance. On our first anniversary we created a Love Letter Wine Box. In this box we have a bottle of wine (we substituted sparkling cider this year), the champagne flutes my mother bought us for our wedding, and two sealed loved letters we wrote each other last year. We drank our fake champagne, read our letters, and exchanged gifts. (We were supposed to add new letters but we gave ourselves a week extension.) Susan had framed a couple of my favorite pictures of Mom and I to hang in our living room and I gave Susan a starter set of 5 different and simple post baby date nights (like a bag of microwave popcorn with a dollar taped to it for a Red Box night when baby is sleeping).   

But wait, there’s more. Susan and I finished our anniversary by staying up past midnight, touching up paint and listening to Frank Sinatra radio on Pandora. We’re so darn cute!

How am I doing?

This is a very popular question I hear these days. “So . . . How are you doing?” I usually answer with “I’m doing.” It is really the most accurate answer I can give without bending your ear for an hour or bringing me to tears in the middle of my work day or at the grocery store or wherever else I am when the question is asked. My mom died a month ago yesterday, so I figured I would give you an update, a further explanation than “I’m doing.” 

Losing my mom has been and will continue to be very difficult for myself and my family. Every day all day a part of me is dedicated to grieving. Every day I do take a moment or several to stop and just think about Mom, her passing, my future without her, and our time together. Sometimes in the middle of reading to Susan’s belly or looking at my roses I am slapped with a rush of emotion. I often get overwhelmed when I think of the birth of my child and not having my Mom in the waiting room. Or when I think of Christmas time without her 100% dedication to providing us with joy. But, this is grief. I lost my mom and I’m grieving. To be honest, I’m pretty good at it. But, I’m doing. 

My entire day and life is not stricken with grief. I enjoy my days, my work, my time with my family, and my time preparing for the baby. I laugh, I joke, and I enjoy life. This portion of the process is like learning to live in this current chapter of my life; a life where Mom is an emotional presence and not a physical one. 

The steps through this process are made much easier by the family I’m walking with. My siblings, wife, and other family have been amazing. I think we’re all doing a great job supporting each other through this time. What can I say, we’re my mother’s children.

I guess I have added this blog to simply add to the explanation of “I’m doing.” I wanted to let everyone know that if I seem sad, that’s okay; it’s just part of the process. If I seem happy, that is okay too. I’m not ignoring my grief or in any kind of denial and I’m sure as heck not “over it.” It is part of life and my mother’s love will help us all through it.

“The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn’t the family. If you don’t have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don’t have much at all. Love is so supremely important.” – Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays with Morrie.

Childbirth Class Graduates

Susan and I are childbirth class graduates. We have learned how to breathe, when to call the doc, and how many childbirth videos it takes to make me nauseous (one).  For a full recap of what we learned, please watch the video.