How am I doing?

This is a very popular question I hear these days. “So . . . How are you doing?” I usually answer with “I’m doing.” It is really the most accurate answer I can give without bending your ear for an hour or bringing me to tears in the middle of my work day or at the grocery store or wherever else I am when the question is asked. My mom died a month ago yesterday, so I figured I would give you an update, a further explanation than “I’m doing.” 

Losing my mom has been and will continue to be very difficult for myself and my family. Every day all day a part of me is dedicated to grieving. Every day I do take a moment or several to stop and just think about Mom, her passing, my future without her, and our time together. Sometimes in the middle of reading to Susan’s belly or looking at my roses I am slapped with a rush of emotion. I often get overwhelmed when I think of the birth of my child and not having my Mom in the waiting room. Or when I think of Christmas time without her 100% dedication to providing us with joy. But, this is grief. I lost my mom and I’m grieving. To be honest, I’m pretty good at it. But, I’m doing. 

My entire day and life is not stricken with grief. I enjoy my days, my work, my time with my family, and my time preparing for the baby. I laugh, I joke, and I enjoy life. This portion of the process is like learning to live in this current chapter of my life; a life where Mom is an emotional presence and not a physical one. 

The steps through this process are made much easier by the family I’m walking with. My siblings, wife, and other family have been amazing. I think we’re all doing a great job supporting each other through this time. What can I say, we’re my mother’s children.

I guess I have added this blog to simply add to the explanation of “I’m doing.” I wanted to let everyone know that if I seem sad, that’s okay; it’s just part of the process. If I seem happy, that is okay too. I’m not ignoring my grief or in any kind of denial and I’m sure as heck not “over it.” It is part of life and my mother’s love will help us all through it.

“The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn’t the family. If you don’t have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don’t have much at all. Love is so supremely important.” – Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays with Morrie.